Noner Says

Kids, Coffee, Crafts, and Chaos

Category: Persnal

A Thousand Words on Social Media

Social Media Speaks a Thousand Words

There is a saying on how a picture speaks a thousand words.  That has always been true in art and photography, as a fine work of art can fill you with so much emotion at once glance.  Today, with the internet and social media, there are more pictures than ever, and more eyes on them.
Lately my family has hit a patch of hard times.  My husband is having medical problems, and I was made part time at work, sometimes getting as few as 12 hours a week.  This is giving me a raw feeling of helplessness, and a lot of the memes on social media are rubbing salt in those wounds.
I love how Facebook meme’s and gifs let you know how people REALLY feel about you without them saying a word. And if you point out how it applies to you and is hurtful they will always say something that boils down to, “I don’t mean YOU of course. You’re different. I’m talking about the rest of them.” But you know what, this is not a case of difference. There IS no “rest of them,” no invisible barrier that separates me from the world.

Friends Close, Enemies Closer

So to my social media “friends” I say please, KEEP posting those memes.  Sure, your words hurt me but I’m not going to attempt to stifle your “free speech.”  I’m also not going to unfriend you.  I need to keep seeing what you share as a form of self defense. 
Because seeing the hate you share lets me know who I can really turn to when I need someone. It lets me know who I can really give my truths and trusts to. Lets me know who might gleefully stab in the back in the pretense of giving me a hug.  It lets me  when I need to wear my costume and when I can take off my mask.  
And thank you for reminding me over and over and over and over again how horrible and ugly the world is. People say that it is the “bad element” that is few and far between and that it seems worse because the media hypes it up. They try to convince me that in reality the good outweighs the bad, BUT this isn’t MEDIA, this is SOCIAL media. This isn’t some news mogul telling me who to love and who to fear. This is people, every day people, people I know in person, or know in passing.  These are my friends, or the friends of my friends. This is every individual posting what is in their hearts and minds, coming from their own fingers, through their own computers and phones.
But keep in mind, if you are seeing and feeling the same things you should always remember They’re not talking about YOU, they’re talking about EVERYONE ELSE.

February 1st – Resolution Check-In

We are one month into the new year.  Many people around me have said they felt as if January would never end.  I am one of those people.  I’ve never been quite so happy to see February come as I am this year.

Some pretty bad things have gone on in January (which “a series of pretty bad things” seems to be the theme of my life anymore), so I’m surprised on how I’ve done with My 2018 Resolutions so far.

Lose 70 Pounds

To reach my goal of dropping 70 pounds this year, I have to lose roughly 6 pounds a month.

Well, for January I lost somewhere between 4 and 5 pounds.  Not a complete fail because I did lose, but I didn’t make goal.

For February I have challenged myself to a Sit-Up Challenge and a Push-Up Challenge.  By the end of the month I should be able to do 100 sit ups and 50 push ups.

Sell My Crafts

I made two key chains/purse charms in January.

I did not list them online for sale yet.

Fail.

Focus on my Blog

I only made 9 blog entries in January.  And most of those were book reviews.  Only blogging 9 out of 30 days….another fail.

Keep a Journal

I’ve written in my journal even less than I’ve posted in my blog.  Last night I did get a LOT of therapeudic scribbling out of the way.  Much profanity was scrawled across

the pages.

A friend of mine gave me some cash recently to get something for myself, and I ordered a new journal and fountain pen.

The journal got here today:

Moon Goddess Journal

The Moon Goddess Journal by Peter Pauper Press

I don’t expect to get the fountain pen for a while though.

Go Outside

I did go outside twice today.  I played fetch with the dog for a while, and then I went for a 2 mile walk. But overall for January, this was another fail.

So, how are you all doing on your own 2018 Resolutions?

A Candid Look at my Mental State

Let Me Be Candid

I keep trying to write a blog post, and keep not posting anything except for book reviews, because my life is falling apart around me.  Let me take a moment and let you know what is going on.  Let me be candid with you.

I am failing in every aspect of my life.

This morning I got up, and for breakfast I thawed out an ate a pack of meat that should have served me for 4 different meals.

I hated myself even as I did it because I knew exactly why I was doing it.  I wanted to feel good.  I wanted to feel enjoyment.  I wanted to be….damn it….HAPPY for a little while.

Food makes me happy, at the same time it makes me hate myself even more.

Depression

I’m depressed right now.  This is nothing new.  I’ve been fighting depression as long as I can remember.

Right now I wish I was well off, so I could just give up and give in to the depression.

I struggle to get out of bed in the mornings even as my children are calling for me, asking for breakfast.  I want to hunker down, back into the black nothingness of sleep.

When I am awake I float from one form of escapism to another.  Facebook games, youtube videos, books, food.  I grasp like a drowning woman for anything to get me out of my own head.

Not long ago I was demoted from a full time position to a part time spot at my job.  I went from getting 40 hours a week to getting 16 hours a week.  I’ve not been able to find a second job, and as I get fewer and fewer hours every week our future is looking bleak.  We’re talking about cutting off both our phones, our internet, our cable.  Having nothing left for enjoyment.  Will soon be applying for food stamps, and when my facebook friends post lovely memes about food stamps and welfare receipients being a “burden on society” they’ll be talking about me.  About my family.

After that? Get rid of my dog? Lose our house?  Move our family of 4 into my mother in laws house?

Meanwhile I’m still where I was working, watching my “replacement” be held to a different standard than I was.  All the things I was expected to maintain are allowed to go by the wayside under her.  My 12 years of experience are nothing compared to her 2 years of being a special snowflake.

At Home Too

While my lack of work is one thing, my home life is another.  Because of my depression, every little thing my children do bothers me.  I have turned into the angry, snippy mommy.  “Stop.  Be quiet.  Stop.  Stop.  I SAID STOP!!!”  Over and over and over again while I am home.  Every time I leave the room, the madness followed me.  Squealing, screaming, poop jokes, until I feel like I’m going to lose my mind.

Then my youngest child refuses to potty train.  He’s 4 now, and siting on the toilet sends him into screaming hysterics.  Nothing I’ve tired is working and none of my other family members are helping.  He also keeps asking to drink from sippy cups and chewing on his “rag-rags” which are cloth diapers he’s always had in his mouth instead of a pacifier.

So, not only am I failing in my work life, I’m also doing a really crappy job of being a mom.

Fail.
Fail.
Fail.

Nothing, Just Nothing

I saw a quote today that said something like, “If it is raining, look for the rainbows.  If it is dark look for the stars.”

I posted on facebook, “What if it is raining in the dark.  WTF are we supposed to look for then?”

Usually I can get through a bad depression because I know sooner or later its going to end.

This time I don’t feel like there is an end in sight.

Snow Fall in the South

Frozen Red BerriesThe people from the Northern realm have been laughing at us silly southerners for the past few days.  But, give us a break.  How often does snow fall in the south?

Sure, an entire city shut down because of a few inches of white stuff fell from the sky, but it was probably for the best.  Most of us can’t even walk in the stuff, most less drive in it.

Right about now you’re probably asing yourself, “What is she yammering about?”

Well, its like this.  I live in Savannah, GA.  Last month I was complaining because it was too warm for Christmas.  So, what happens on January 3rd?

IT.
FREAKING.
SNOWED!

That’s right.  It snowed.  And it stuck.  Our streets disappeared.  Our bushes and trees were covered in ice.  Our children (and our husbands.  Okay, and ourselves) built snowmen.

Snow Fall in the South

Yes, he has no eyes, and he has no mouth, and he has no nose and no arms and….well…just keep reading.

Well, some of us built snowmen.  Others of us *cough*me*cough start building snowmen, then fall down on our rears in the snow and give up the process.

The children were ill-equipped to play in this winter wonderland themselves.  Unused to below freezing temperatures, they could only stand a few minutes at a time before coming in with soaking wet gloves and cold hands.

Oh, but the joy of seeing their little faces light up when the prospect of snow became a reality.  They may never see an event like this again until they are adults with kids of their own.

So, those of you who are jaded by yearly snowfall, those of you who have it often enough to hate the fact that it is a thing, you just keep on laughing.  Because on January 3 and January 4th of 2018, our world turned white and memories were made.

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